Hooray for May?

This was originally going to be a post about my May Goals. Now that I don’t have a marathon to train for, I literally don’t know what to do with myself. I no longer have a running routine, have next to no commitments or obligations and am left with the one thing I never know how to handle: time.

So over the past week, I’ve been thinking about some goals I’d like to set for myself – on a personal, fitness and financial level. I’ve written them down, I’ve ran them by a few people and have been anxiously awaiting today (May 1st) to finally put them in action.

Here’s what they look like:

Personal:

  • Reach out to one friend I don’t see/talk to super often to plan a date, weekly.
  • Stop saying “sorry” for things I’m not actually sorry about/doesn’t warrant an apology.
  • Be more assertive.
  • Be more present (this one makes me laugh, because it has to be the most cliche goal ever, but whatever).

Fitness/Health:

  • Try one new fitness class per week.
  • Continue to run at least 2x per week.
  • Continue attending yoga a least 1x per week.
  • Decrease coffee intake to only drinking coffee in the morning, if afternoon boost is needed, drink green tea.
  • Have one day per week, with absolutely no extra physical activity – a pure rest day.
  • Hit daily “move” goal on Apple Watch tracker, everyday. (Clearly didn’t think this one through too well, as it completely negates the rest day).

Financial:

  • Only buy breakfast one day per week.
  • Only buy lunch one day per week.
  • Remove credit cards from wallet and only spend debit/cash within weekly budget allotment.

So, with these goals in mind, I was ready to start May with a perfect little bang. I was going to really detail each of these goals and explain how I’d report back at the end of the month on how I did. I thought I was ready to waltz right into a new month.

But here’s the thing about me and goal setting … it never sticks. The second something goes wrong or gets out of whack, I freak the eff out. I tell myself, “Good try! But this isn’t for you.” I package those goals right up, drop them in the mail and purposely leave the return address off. I give up.

It’s 3:50 pm, on May 1st and I’ve already been to the post office.

So this is no longer a post about my “May Goals” and how wonderful and fabulous and perfect they are. This is no longer a post about how I plan to hit them all. Instead, this is a post that is hopefully going to remind me that maybe things are OK just as they are.

I was afraid/secretly knew that this was going to happen. I knew that when the marathon ended, I would struggle without having a routine. I basically spent the week after the race eating anything and everything I wanted and then last week getting back into workout classes. This felt amazing, it really did, but now I’m in the third week and anxious about all of the unhealthy food I’ve consumed, lack of workout plan and overarching fear about how my body is going to change without running every two seconds. Point blank, that’s what it comes down to. Today it’s hitting me and it’s knocking me out.

So although I went to bed early last night, set my alarm for 5:30am to attend a 6:15am workout class and basically had everything in order to hit the ground running today, nothing went as planned.

First, I barely slept. Probably the result of a 2hr. nap I took yesterday + a late afternoon coffee. Second, I don’t know what happened, but my back is killing me. I must have slept on it funny, but I can barely stand up straight. Third, I pulled a last minute, “I’m going to work from home” move and haven’t left the kitchen table. Fourth, the only way I can describe the weather today is miserable. Which is especially difficult after two days of sun and warmth.

All around, everything feels off. My mind, my body, my motivation. I’m trying to be positive one second and the next I’m close to tears. I’m trying to remind myself that things rarely go as planned and that that’s OK and the next I’m debating on how long I can sit on the couch, eating pizza and watching TV, before someone comes to find me. I want to get a million things done, but I can’t decide where to begin.

So in my mind, this month is not starting how I hoped and I very likely might just fail at it all. Excuse the lack of positivity, I’m human. I’m not sure what the rest of the day will bring, but I’m reminding myself that that’s OK. It’s life, it’s not perfect and it doesn’t need to be.

We’ll try again tomorrow.

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